Ok so like, you know how Deepak Chopra and I go way back? Our relationship started out like any other: I accused him of not understanding physics and he invited me back to his place. Soon we were talking about how this energy between us burns brighter than the sun. I thought it was going really well.

Well get this you guys: DEEPAK BROKE UP WITH ME. I’m so upset, but, like, let me try to explain. It started with this little subtweet which I think was totes about me since he knows I’m into psychology:

So then I was like:

And he was like:

And I was like HAHA look at that smiley face, he’s obviously just flirting, good one Deepak. But NO, next thing I know, he’s blocking me on Twitter! In front of all 1.25 million of his followers! I was, like, soooooo embarrassed.

OMGGG I am so angry. I mean, like, he was never that good to me anyway, you know? He usually just put random words together and called that depth, which was SO annoying ungh. And it for reals bugged me that he did immeasurable harm to millions of people by spreading pseudoscience and dangerous medical advice. Such a turn-off, you know?

So I’m glad it’s over, Deepak Chopra. Go … go be with your universe. Be one with it for all I care. Because you ain’t never being one with this ever again.

See more of our torrid exchange on Storify: Phronk Gets Blocked by Deepak Choprah.

P.S. HIS CODENAME IS ERASER:

I fully expect Deepak to be shooting alligators soon.

See also:

• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 8: Derek Mears
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 7: Chris Harrison
• Charlie Sheen: The Phronk Connection
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 6: Sunny Lane
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 5: Deepak Chopra Volume 2
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 4: Deepak Chopra Volume 1
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 3: Bree Olson
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 2: James Gunn
• Tweeting With the Stars Volume 1: Sasha Grey