Yesterday I saw a turtle squashed in the middle of the road. It’s not something you see every day in downtown London, so I figure it was an omen that it would be one of those days when everything that could go wrong would go wrong.
My first of two thesis defenses was scheduled for 1:00. I gave myself an hour after I got to school to have lunch and go over my introductory presentation. I’d written it the night before, but hadn’t practiced it yet. Last minute I guess, but I work best under pressure and there was much procrasturbation to be had. 1
When I picked up some sushi and a drink, the server made fun of my “bucket of coffee.” It’s true though, a venti is approaching a litre of friggin coffee. On my way back to my office, my labmate told me that I looked really chill. Which I mostly was, because all my preparation plans were in place, and all I could do was my best.
I got to my office, then flipped on my computer.
I didn’t know Apple computers could have a blue screen of death, but there it was: a blank blue screen. It was perfectly fine just 30 minutes earlier when I left the house, and now, it’s giving me sass with this blue screen. I reset it, and the blue screen was fixed! Except now it was this grainy rainbow screen of death.
I frantically Googled on my phone. I safe-moded and start-up-item-altered and make-verbs-out-of-phrases-ized as fast as my fingers would allow, but nothing that the internet suggested would help.
I took a moment to bite into my sushi. I say “bite into” because the salmon sashimi was this stringy unchewable mess. But as I stared at the spit-out wad of rancid meat, in the light of what was now a grey nonfunctional screen, feeling less than chill, a supernatural clarity came over me. I found myself reaching for a video adapter thingy. I poked it into a hole in the side of my laptop, then removed it.
No more screen of death. Like many grumpy people, my computer just needed something hard shoved into a random orifice.
I quickly loaded up my presentation. Even though I hadn’t worn a tie in a year, I let my fingers figure out how to tie it while I practiced my presentation at quadruple speed.
I got to my defense with sushi breath (I was out of gum, naturally) and a screaming bladder full of venti ounces of caffè. Of course, one of the people who needed to be there didn’t show up, so we started late anyway. But the bottom line is that I got through the presentation and the rounds of difficult questioning, and passed like a boss. Revisions, one more defense, then I’ll be a doctor.
The lesson here is that even when things go horribly wrong (in a first-world-problems sense, anyway), let them go wrong, and it will probably turn out fine anyway. They might even give you a PhD.
1 Thanks @wintr for introducing me to that wonderful word.
9 responses to “99 Problems But a Fish Ain’t One”
Almost a doctor… Thats kind of scary, actually.
Congrats on the next step to being Dr. Michael Battista PHD.
What do you plan on doing once you finish school?
This is my first visit…I like!
I think this post has an excellent moral. Often the things that don't go our way can be blessings in disguise.
What kind of doctor are you going to be?
Congratulations! Glad to know you got through it just fine. Sorry about the sushi though. 😦
Is there a place to suggest new motivational posters for the office? If so, something like “Sometimes grumpy people just need something hard shoved into a random orifice,” would go on the wall of my cubicle.
Also, there's a saying, “Bad rehearsal, great show.” I guess it applies to dissertations, too. Break a leg in round two.
Congrats on a successful round one! I'm sure round two will go just as well, but you might want to have some bad sushi and F**ck with your computer beforehand just to make sure. Seriously though, I've seen a lot of our students go through thesis defences and you'll be a doctor before you know it, and then the REAL FUN starts.
Congrats on round one! Are you sure it was a turtle??? That seems really strange.
So proud! My son! The Doctor!
Soon the money and the fame will be rolling in.
Goodness. This is my worst nightmare. Seeing a dead turtle, eating bad sushi and getting the blue screen of death on my defense date. I'm defending my thesis this semester. Congrats! 😀