So I’ve had the Michael Bolton song Said I Loved You But I Lied stuck in my head for a week (mostly thanks to EvilFlu). This has given me some time to analyze the lyrics.
Here is the song’s big twist (SPOILER ALERT):
Said I loved you but I lied
‘Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you but I was wrong
‘Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Hrm. Here’s the thing: “More than love” is not really what you want from a romantic partner. Love is the goal; the defining feature of a successful relationship. Once Michael Bolton loves you, you’ve hit the maximum. “More than love” is likely to be creepy obsession, neediness, or some bizarre fetish. Since Bolton lied about love, all that’s left is the weirdness. And the fact that he’s a liar.
If you fall for this song, you will probably soon find Michael Bolton in a tree outside your house, dressed in a giant baby bonnet and diaper.
TAKE YOUR MULLET ELSEWHERE SIR.
It’s similar to someone expressing that they will “give 110%.” Let’s say I’m interviewing someone for a job, and he tells me he will put 110% of his effort into his work. This immediately tells me that he is: A) Bad with math; and B) Not very good at judging his own quantity of effort. Because if he reaches 100% of his effort, then goes 10% further, all that means is what he thought was 100% was lower than 100%. He said he gave 100%, but he lied.
I’d rather hear “I’ll give 80% effort, with the other 20% devoted to being lazy, distracted, or spiteful.” Because that’s realistic, and probably more effort than most people actually put towards anything.
So watch your maximums, people. Furthermore, get out of my dreams, and into my life.
———-
P.S. The video for this song is actually pretty amazing:
Get it? There are flames, because he cleverly compares love to a flame in the song. And horses, because… horses are fucking cool. Fuck yeah.
Phronk.com 
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