ShamWow

Last month, I went to a Christmas party where they were doing this secret Santa gift exchange thing; everyone brings a small wrapped gift and puts it under the tree, then people pick gifts in random order. When my number came up, I attempted to use my psychic materialism powers to sniff out the very best gift. I opened the bag that the spirits guided me to, and inside were…two pieces of cloth.

I didn’t really know anyone at this party, but suddenly a room full of strangers were screaming the word “SHAMWOW!” at me. I thought maybe I’d stumbled into a cult who developed their own freakish language, in which “shamwow” means “you got a shitty gift.” Then someone poured their drink all over the floor. “Shamwow,” he grunted, pointing at the spilled booze like an astronaut trying to communicate with a mildly drunk alien race. I spread one of the cloths over the spill, wiped it away, and like magic, the floor was clean.

In case you don’t already know, this is ShamWow:

Remember kids: boring tuna, boring life.


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Comments

20 responses to “ShamWow”

  1. Erica Avatar

    I tried in vain to convince my fiance that a ShamWow would be a great Christmas gift exchange present, but he wouldn’t go for it 😦Glad to hear that it works!

    Like

  2.  Avatar

    I tried in vain to convince my fiance that a ShamWow would be a great Christmas gift exchange present, but he wouldn’t go for it :(Glad to hear that it works!

    Like

  3. KVL Avatar

    “You’re going to love my nuts”Best Thing I have heard All Day.

    Like

  4.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    “You’re going to love my nuts”Best Thing I have heard All Day.

    Like

  5. blond-cleau Avatar

    oh my god.slapchop is the greatest thing have seen- in my life.no more boring life

    Like

  6.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    oh my god.slapchop is the greatest thing have seen- in my life.no more boring life

    Like

  7. Jack Avatar

    I wanna slap-chop my hand, and then use the shamwow to mop it up and stop the bleeding–it’s the only thing on the market that can do both!

    Like

  8.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    I wanna slap-chop my hand, and then use the shamwow to mop it up and stop the bleeding–it’s the only thing on the market that can do both!

    Like

  9. harry Avatar

    That man is one hell of a salesman!And I agree with KVL. Almost did a spit-take when he said that.

    Like

  10.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    That man is one hell of a salesman!And I agree with KVL. Almost did a spit-take when he said that.

    Like

  11. unsilentmajority Avatar
    unsilentmajority

    This is your first step. The second step is having your very own Snuggie!

    Like

  12.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    This is your first step. The second step is having your very own Snuggie!

    Like

  13. Adorable Girlfriend Avatar

    Canada is such a strange place with some weird people!!!!!

    Like

  14.  Avatar

    Canada is such a strange place with some weird people!!!!!

    Like

  15. Jennifer Avatar

    HAHAHAHA! I am going to make America thin again one slap at a time – except I am going to just slap people eating McFood.Also – my nuts? You’re going to love them.

    Like

  16.  Avatar

    HAHAHAHA! I am going to make America thin again one slap at a time – except I am going to just slap people eating McFood.Also – my nuts? You’re going to love them.

    Like

  17. E Flo Avatar

    hahahahahahhahahahahaaa.

    Like

  18.  Avatar

    hahahahahahhahahahahaaa.

    Like

  19. Tigerlily Avatar

    Believe it or not, I owned both of these products before they were ShamWOW and Slap Chop!

    Like

  20.  Avatar

    Believe it or not, I owned both of these products before they were ShamWOW and Slap Chop!

    Like