Cuil (pronounced “cool”) is a new search engine that’s been in the news lately. It was created by some people from Google, and has been positioned as competition for the search leader. However, almost all press has been negative, with witty headlines like “Not So Cuil”, “Cuil is Cold”, etc.

Here is why.

I searched for “phronk” (obviously; the first thing anyone searches for is their own name and/or secret internet identity), and got this:

A few things to note here:

1) AHHH JESUS CHRIST!!! Where the fuck did that scary clown come from?! It’s not on any of the search result pages.

2) None of the search results are this blog. Even searching for “phronk.com” does not find this blog. This is the main source of Phronk-related information on the web, so Cuil sorta fails anyone searching for me.

3) Few of the search results are at all relevant. Half are spam, one is someone else’s Pownce account, one is my Jaiku account that hasn’t been used in a year. I’ll grant that my Twitter account is at least somewhat relevant.

4) Most interesting are three links to a song called “Phronk Promises” by someone named Prztz. At least this is something I’ve never seen in my nightly self-Googling. What could it mean? Did I make someone a promise that I failed to keep, and it hurt them so bad that they made a song about it? The song only costs 20 cents to download, but I’m not about to give my credit card info to sketchy web sites arrived at through a sketchy search engine.

I’m sorry if I hurt you, Prztz. Phronk promises it will never happen again.

Go Cuil yourself and see if you have better luck than I did.

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UPDATE! Listen to “Phronk Promises” here. Warning: It’s creepy and kinda terrible.