You thought I’d forgotten, didn’t you? You didn’t think I could do it? Well screw you, I’m back, and almost halfway through. Here are some more original ideas for horror movies (depressing cynical edition):

43). Cell 2: Cellularer: In a fanfic sequel to Stephen King’s Cell, a mysterious signal is sent to cell phones, but this time it only affects douchebags who talk on their phones while driving. The signal causes them to lose control and crash their cars. Or maybe there was no signal at all; maybe it was just a combination of ringing cell phones, driving, and douchebaggery that caused them to lose control and crash. In any case, they all die in horrible accidents, the world is a better place, and everyone else lives happily ever after.

44). Just Add Water: A woman wakes up to find a giant boulder sitting in her front yard. She has no idea where it came from or what to do with it. The city tells her she can’t keep a giant boulder on her front lawn, so she transports it to the back yard, where the only place to put it is in her swimming pool. As soon as the boulder hits water, it splits open, and out comes a giant alien Sea Monkey ™. At first she is delighted as it swims around her pool in circles, but soon she gets bored with its antics, the pool gets all moldy, and one day the Sea Monkey ™ is just gone. She dumps out the water, and everyone lives happily ever after.

45). Evilution: Every creationist’s nightmare comes true, when monkeys begin evolving into humans. Unfortunately, before becoming our equals, they have to go through the awkward angry caveman phase. Beginning to understand how poorly the animal kingdom has been treated, they emerge from the earth’s dwindling forests and begin exacting revenge on their supposedly more evolved brethren. Fortunately, just as the (old) human race has nearly been wiped out, whatever caused the apes to evolve catches up to humans, leading us to the next stage in human evolution, which is, naturally, flying space fetuses. Everyone lives happily ever after.

46). Wear Wolf: As the lycanthropy curse spreads across the globe, and the war between werewolves and humans seem inevitable, a young fashion entrepreneur sees an opportunity. All these naked werewolves must feel so awkward, what with their wolf-boobs and wolf-nards flopping all over the place. He begins to create a line of fashion for werewolves. He can’t quite get it right without someone to test it on, though, so he becomes friends with a werewolf, and even goes so far as to intentionally curse himself. News of this unlikely alliance spreads, the world realizes that werewolves and humans can live in harmony, and everyone lives happily ever after.

47). Happily Ever After: A virus from Venus causes everyone to love everybody, forget their worries, and be perpetually happy. For several weeks, people frolic in the streets. They cancel every war. Old enemies make up. But then, lacking fear, people frolic off cliffs. They frolic into traffic. Their friends are too happy to mourn. Bodies pile up in the streets, and everybody compliments the wonderful new smells. People are too happy to worry about petty things like eating. Everyone dies happily ever after.

———-

See also: One Hundred Original Ideas for Horror Movies, #42.