So here’s the thing with Facebook. People are always like “oh, Facebook is so evil, because everyone can stalk me.” And I defend it, I’m like, “dude, if you don’t want people knowing something, don’t post it on the internet. And if you accidentally do get something you don’t like on your profile, just click the little X beside it and nobody will ever know it was there.”
See, Facebook? I defended you. Yet you went and betrayed me anyway.
Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it’s been over five years together. Telling all my friends and family about it was tough, and something I wanted to put off as long as possible. I did, however, want to tell them in person, or at least with a personal email. Still, I didn’t like my Facebook profile living a lie, so I went in and got rid of the relationship field. I’m not Single, not In a Relationship, not It’s Complicated, not nothing. That’s nice and ambiguous without being dishonest. I figure it’ll just disappear from my profile and I’ll be done.
But no, my mini-feed thing says that I just ended my relationship. To add insult to injury, there’s a soul-crushing picture of a little heart breaking in half.
No problem, I can just click the little X beside it. I do, and it says it did the trick. But it didn’t. That little broken heart, the symbol of my deeply personal source of despair, shows up on the homepage of hundreds of random acquaintances that didn’t need to know, as well as the real friends that didn’t need to find out through Facebook. There’s no way to change my relationship status without the whole world knowing about it.
Oh well. At least it’s out there. What I’m going to do now is become an emo kid (minus the hair), listen to lots of death metal, and be completely celibate for a few years.
…
In other other news, Cloverfield was an awesome movie, and the season premiere of Lost was fine as always. I love you, J. J. Abrams. I would break free of my celibacy, sexual orientation, and gender in order to have your babies.
Phronk.com 
Comments
26 responses to “Bad Facebook”
I left my field blank, too.It’s no one’s business, except for my 500,000 FB “friends.”
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I left my field blank, too.It’s no one’s business, except for my 500,000 FB “friends.”
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I completely X’d my Facebook account for that reason alone. “Oh good the jackass who beat me up in front of my locker every day knows I’m sad” Fuck that.I was hoping for a better review from you about how Cloverfield was a Facebook Generation monster movie: very little monster, more “relationship”
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I completely X’d my Facebook account for that reason alone. “Oh good the jackass who beat me up in front of my locker every day knows I’m sad” Fuck that.I was hoping for a better review from you about how Cloverfield was a Facebook Generation monster movie: very little monster, more “relationship”
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I’ll check that movie out.Don’t see “The Savages” if you have an old ailing father. I don’t… and it still kind of depressed me.
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I’ll check that movie out.Don’t see “The Savages” if you have an old ailing father. I don’t… and it still kind of depressed me.
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oh noes! Jason turned teh sad at the movie with me.___I can has Matthew Fox offspring? k thx bai___A book that really helped me through my breakup was <>Coming Apart<> by Daphne Rose Kingma (ISBN-10: 1573241776). Another thing that helped: trips.
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oh noes! Jason turned teh sad at the movie with me.___I can has Matthew Fox offspring? k thx bai___A book that really helped me through my breakup was Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma (ISBN-10: 1573241776). Another thing that helped: trips.
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My condolences on the breakup. Can’t mean too much coming from some anonymous dude you’ve never met, but hey, I know the pain and I sympathize. All the best on the new turn your life has taken.
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My condolences on the breakup. Can’t mean too much coming from some anonymous dude you’ve never met, but hey, I know the pain and I sympathize. All the best on the new turn your life has taken.
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Steven: Yeah, never fill that field in. Once it’s filled, it can’t be unfilled.Dead Robot: Damn, that’s a much better way to tie Facebook in with Cloverfield. Nice.Jason: Ugh, yeah, I think I’ll avoid more depression for now.Madame: Cool, I’ll look up that book. By its ISBN.Uber: Thanks dude. It does mean something.
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Steven: Yeah, never fill that field in. Once it’s filled, it can’t be unfilled.Dead Robot: Damn, that’s a much better way to tie Facebook in with Cloverfield. Nice.Jason: Ugh, yeah, I think I’ll avoid more depression for now.Madame: Cool, I’ll look up that book. By its ISBN.Uber: Thanks dude. It does mean something.
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Phronk, old chum, I think your Arthur Conan Doyle quote is off. It should be “Where <>there<> is no imagination…” rather than “Where <>this<> is no imagination…”? I like it, though.
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Phronk, old chum, I think your Arthur Conan Doyle quote is off. It should be “Where there is no imagination…” rather than “Where this is no imagination…”? I like it, though.
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Ugh. I can’t believe I had that wrong for the last few months and my brain didn’t even notice. Thanks again, fine chap.
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Ugh. I can’t believe I had that wrong for the last few months and my brain didn’t even notice. Thanks again, fine chap.
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Phronk… Read THE TERROR by Dan Simmons… it won’t help you with anything at all, but it’s vivid description of subzero temperature in a desolate world of hunger and desperation will take your mind off things for sure… AND the best part is this “monster” that is eating the crew… I’m half way through and it’s freakin’ awesome… and it’s a big book, so it will help you get your mind of things for quite a bit of time…Oh… and I hate facebook.
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Phronk… Read THE TERROR by Dan Simmons… it won’t help you with anything at all, but it’s vivid description of subzero temperature in a desolate world of hunger and desperation will take your mind off things for sure… AND the best part is this “monster” that is eating the crew… I’m half way through and it’s freakin’ awesome… and it’s a big book, so it will help you get your mind of things for quite a bit of time…Oh… and I hate facebook.
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you can turn off the minifeeds and the newsfeeds for all your status changing stuff in the privacy settings… facebook still sucks though, but that would have prevented it from going on the newsfeeds of all your friends. Sorry dude. We’ve already talked about this though. 🙂
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you can turn off the minifeeds and the newsfeeds for all your status changing stuff in the privacy settings… facebook still sucks though, but that would have prevented it from going on the newsfeeds of all your friends. Sorry dude. We’ve already talked about this though. 🙂
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yikes…dude….sorry to hear.
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yikes…dude….sorry to hear.
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