A dear friend of mine died on September 18th. I have had many good times with My Xbox 360, playing games, watching movies, and being called all sorts creative words for homosexuals and black people on Xbox Live. Other people said it wouldn’t work; they said that most Xbox 360s get sick and die within a few months of meeting them. “It’ll never happen to me”, I thought, but oh how wrong I was. I began to play a demo for some shitty game, and My Xbox 360 froze up. I thought she just didn’t like the game, but then I put in Bioshock, which is a game we both really enjoy playing, and she froze up again. I let her rest for a while, but when I went to wake her up, she just lay there. Three red lights appeared on her face. I knew it was over.
It’s never an easy thing to do, but I called Microsoft to have the body removed. The woman who answered the phone must have been upset too, because she had trouble talking and understanding me. Let’s say the name of the street I live on is “Bobsington Avenue”. I tell her the name, then begin to spell it. She interrupts after the first three letters; “Bob Street?” I continue to spell it out. “Bobsing Street?” I know this is hard, lady, but let me finish.
After the dirty details are worked out, she says “I have to ask you one final question.” She asks, but I swear that I didn’t hear her correctly. She repeats, in an official tone, “are you Filipino?” Um, no. I’m not. I say “double-you tee eff”. Actually, I don’t, but I should have.
They’ll send a cardboard coffin, and I’ll send her back to Microsoft. I know they’ll send a refurbished replacement back, but it just won’t be the same. It’s OK though, I know she’s in a better place. She’s with the almighty Bill Gates now. Rest in peace, Xbox 360, rest in peace.