I’m back. One thing I’ve recently discovered is that writing on this blog is not a hobby, but rather, a procrastination technique. This is demonstrated by the fact that I only blog when I have other, more productive, things to do, and neglect the blog when I’m sitting on my ass all day.
Which brings me to the main topic today: I’m a lazy fat fuck and I need to lose weight. To the right is a photograph of me at the amusement park yesterday. As you can see, lots of bad food has driven itself into my ass on an insane clown-faced train. Or maybe I’ve just been forgetting to eat healthy. In any case, I am 20 pounds heavier than I was a few months ago.
Twenty pounds. That’s, like, more than the weight of my dog. The me of three months ago could eat my dog whole and be lighter than the me of today.
I don’t want to be one of those people who gets chubbier and unhealthier as they get older, because really, I like life, and I want to live as long as humanly possible (if not forever). So that’s it, I’m losing this dog-load of weight by going on Weight Watchers. Not real Weight Watchers, mind you, but I’ll use their secret forumla to calculate points (calories/50 + fat/12 – fibre/4 [maximum of 1]) and try to stay under my point allowance (about 22/day with 30 extra per week). I even have a nice spreadsheet made to keep track.
I’m only writing about this because it’s supposed to be easier to lose weight if you make a public commitment or something. At least that’s what it said in the magazine I read while taking a shit in my mom’s bathroom. So this is now a boring weight-loss blog that nobody will read. Sorry.
I currently weigh 160 pounds. I know I know, I shouldn’t even be complaining, but I’m short and it’s more than I should weigh. My goal is 140 pounds. I started my pseudo-diet on Monday. I’ll keep you updated on the results.
Update (Aug 31): The formula was wrong before. It’s calories/50, not /100. Thanks Jason.
Phronk.com 
Comments
13 responses to “Dr. Phronk’s Weight Loss Challenge”
Do it before 30 hits. Trust me, it gets a lot harder to maintain or lose after that god-awful milestone.
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I love this page.Any interest in a link exchange?
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Learn kickboxing.I can assure u weight loss.
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I lost 25 on a combo of S.Beach & Atkins. Its easy, if you love meat.Good luck! Fatty!
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Looks like you should consider laying off the broccoli.It’s HNT (Half Nekkid Thursday). A good day for posting a before picture. I’m just sayin’….
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Hey! I need to lose 20lbs too. I’m 160. I’ll try that formula of yours.
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don’t listen to Jason he’s ALWAYS losing weight. no i know.good luck with your quest…once you lose 5lbs you are inspired to kick your own ass….you can do it batman!!(don’t get too skinny though, girls like a little meat on their man, trust me boney guys are not hot, not THAT kind of bone)
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Phronk, I looked up the formula and other sites say its calories/50.Is it calories/100 now?J.
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Ok you are in the links now.
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you’re fat
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Madame: I plan to shoot myself when I become 30.Deepak: Kickboxing is violent and dangerous. You’ll kick your eye out!Indy: I tried Atkins a while ago just for fun. I felt like crap all the time, but I guess it worked to lose a few pounds. I couldn’t go too long without chocolate though.Shora: The picture there is an accurate depiction of me now.Jason: Nice. I’ll race you to 140! You are right about the forumla…I must have been temporarily retarded due to hunger. I changed it.Mitzee: I plan to replace the fat with muscle to avoid boniness. One step at a time though.Alex: Thanks dude. I’ll go add your link right now.Fatrobot: I know. We’re both fat. Let’s be fat-buddies.
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Maybe if you strap your dog to yourself you could trick your body into thinking it’s that EXTRA twenty pounds and thereby lose it with the extra exercise. However, I’m sure this would be considered by PETA at least as animal cruelty, so please don’t.
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