I’m back. One thing I’ve recently discovered is that writing on this blog is not a hobby, but rather, a procrastination technique. This is demonstrated by the fact that I only blog when I have other, more productive, things to do, and neglect the blog when I’m sitting on my ass all day.
Which brings me to the main topic today: I’m a lazy fat fuck and I need to lose weight. To the right is a photograph of me at the amusement park yesterday. As you can see, lots of bad food has driven itself into my ass on an insane clown-faced train. Or maybe I’ve just been forgetting to eat healthy. In any case, I am 20 pounds heavier than I was a few months ago.
Twenty pounds. That’s, like, more than the weight of my dog. The me of three months ago could eat my dog whole and be lighter than the me of today.
I don’t want to be one of those people who gets chubbier and unhealthier as they get older, because really, I like life, and I want to live as long as humanly possible (if not forever). So that’s it, I’m losing this dog-load of weight by going on Weight Watchers. Not real Weight Watchers, mind you, but I’ll use their secret forumla to calculate points (calories/50 + fat/12 – fibre/4 [maximum of 1]) and try to stay under my point allowance (about 22/day with 30 extra per week). I even have a nice spreadsheet made to keep track.
I’m only writing about this because it’s supposed to be easier to lose weight if you make a public commitment or something. At least that’s what it said in the magazine I read while taking a shit in my mom’s bathroom. So this is now a boring weight-loss blog that nobody will read. Sorry.
I currently weigh 160 pounds. I know I know, I shouldn’t even be complaining, but I’m short and it’s more than I should weigh. My goal is 140 pounds. I started my pseudo-diet on Monday. I’ll keep you updated on the results.
Update (Aug 31): The formula was wrong before. It’s calories/50, not /100. Thanks Jason.
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