How to Protect Your Carotid Artery

Check out this story. Summary:

A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal’s enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

Sorry to bring up religion once again, but this is just hilarious (well, less so for the family of the guy, but even they probably had a few guffaws). Apparently the lion went right for him as soon as he went into the enclosure thinking God would protect him.

Now, is this proof that God does not exist, or does it just show that He hates stupid people? And that He has the ability commandeer the free will of lions in order to maul his enemies.

Or maybe this guy just prayed to the wrong god. There are thousands of gods out there, and most of them get pissed when you pray to a competing god. Maybe he got to the afterlife and met some eight-legged giraffe with the head of a rhino, who said “Hi, I’m The One True God. Sorry, but none of you humans figured out that I’m the right god to worship, so I have to kill you all in creative ways and send you to hell for all eternity. I was trying out something new with you. How’d it feel?”

Speaking of animals, HERE is Samuel L. Jackson talking about how awesome Snakes on a Plane will be. Kickass.

P.S. Is “all eternity” redundant?


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38 responses to “How to Protect Your Carotid Artery”

  1. Dani Avatar

    What a fool! Didn’t he know that Daniel was the only one who God saved from the lions? Well, he got what he deserved – apparently dumb people are delicious!

    Like

  2.  Avatar

    What a fool! Didn’t he know that Daniel was the only one who God saved from the lions? Well, he got what he deserved – apparently dumb people are delicious!

    Like

  3. Phronk Avatar

    [joke about how delicious Dani must be]

    Like

  4.  Avatar

    [joke about how delicious Dani must be]

    Like

  5. The Stevo in H-Town Avatar

    Ya gotta figger stupid people don’t play much ofa role in the destiny of the earth…then again…”Stupid” bein’ relative…whodafuckknowz?…Some people’ll tellya that stupid people DO have a role in the destiny of the Earth, az well…“W”I asked a guy once ’bout his opinion of God and his answer wuz..”It’s fer stupid people..followers that don’t have a clue..”It’s all kinda confusin’ toda Stevo…but I ain’t gittin’ my dick chopped off ta find out…I ain’t THAT confused..I kinda figger that the Bible’s a primer for whatever comes next…Reincarnation makes more sense…70-90 yrs of livin ain’t enuff time ta figger all dis shit out..Jus sayin’

    Like

  6.  Avatar

    Ya gotta figger stupid people don’t play much ofa role in the destiny of the earth…then again…”Stupid” bein’ relative…whodafuckknowz?…Some people’ll tellya that stupid people DO have a role in the destiny of the Earth, az well…”W”I asked a guy once ’bout his opinion of God and his answer wuz..”It’s fer stupid people..followers that don’t have a clue..”It’s all kinda confusin’ toda Stevo…but I ain’t gittin’ my dick chopped off ta find out…I ain’t THAT confused..I kinda figger that the Bible’s a primer for whatever comes next…Reincarnation makes more sense…70-90 yrs of livin ain’t enuff time ta figger all dis shit out..Jus sayin’

    Like

  7. Jason Avatar

    He died for our sins. He should rise again in about 3 days.Oh wait… I’m getting confused.

    Like

  8.  Avatar

    He died for our sins. He should rise again in about 3 days.Oh wait… I’m getting confused.

    Like

  9. Shora Avatar

    Aslan did rise again… and went on to rule all of Narnia after killing the evil Queen Tilda-something after she killed him first and those nice Pevensie girls petted his dead body for a real long time. And at some point I think Aslan ate some guy in a zoo.

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  10.  Avatar

    Aslan did rise again… and went on to rule all of Narnia after killing the evil Queen Tilda-something after she killed him first and those nice Pevensie girls petted his dead body for a real long time. And at some point I think Aslan ate some guy in a zoo.

    Like

  11. your judgemental aunt Avatar

    Jesus wanted me to let you guys know that he doesn’t find your comments funny at all and he’s getting kinda mad.

    Like

  12.  Avatar

    Jesus wanted me to let you guys know that he doesn’t find your comments funny at all and he’s getting kinda mad.

    Like

  13. Jason Avatar

    Well as long as he doesn’t get “poopy.”

    Like

  14.  Avatar

    Well as long as he doesn’t get “poopy.”

    Like

  15. madamerouge Avatar

    Phronk, I don’t believe this story. I think you’re lion to us. JAJAJA!

    Like

  16.  Avatar

    Phronk, I don’t believe this story. I think you’re lion to us. JAJAJA!

    Like

  17. Phronk Avatar

    You guys make me ROFLCOPTER

    Like

  18.  Avatar

    You guys make me ROFLCOPTER

    Like

  19. As always... Rachael Avatar

    Hi there… I came over after you defended me on Dani’s site…. well, you didnt defend me, but you did point out that she hadn’t addressed my comment directly… just danced around under a shower of bible quotes. Anyway, I thought I’d stop by because your “atheists thinking they are god is like vegetarians thinking they are cows” comment… man, that cracked me up!I’m glad I caught this post on my first visit… praise zeus! I’m also a big fan of logic and philosophy so perhaps we can be friends in blogland. Peace!

    Like

  20.  Avatar

    Hi there… I came over after you defended me on Dani’s site…. well, you didnt defend me, but you did point out that she hadn’t addressed my comment directly… just danced around under a shower of bible quotes. Anyway, I thought I’d stop by because your “atheists thinking they are god is like vegetarians thinking they are cows” comment… man, that cracked me up!I’m glad I caught this post on my first visit… praise zeus! I’m also a big fan of logic and philosophy so perhaps we can be friends in blogland. Peace!

    Like

  21. sirbarrett Avatar

    Perhaps God is just impatient like the rest of us and wanted to speed up the reincarnation process??

    Like

  22.  Avatar

    Perhaps God is just impatient like the rest of us and wanted to speed up the reincarnation process??

    Like

  23. The Holywriter Avatar

    I’ve spoken to God, and he really does hate stupid people.

    Like

  24.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    I’ve spoken to God, and he really does hate stupid people.

    Like

  25. Jason Avatar

    God and I both like grilled cheese sandwiches.

    Like

  26.  Avatar

    God and I both like grilled cheese sandwiches.

    Like

  27. Adorable Girlfriend Avatar

    This was a real life example of what the true meaning of the word ‘hubris’ is.

    Like

  28.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    This was a real life example of what the true meaning of the word ‘hubris’ is.

    Like

  29. Carrie Avatar

    i have my level 2 st. john’s ambulance 1st aid certificate, so i know all about this shit….but if someone’s artery was splurting blood everywhere, guess if i’d help or run the fuck away. that’s right.

    Like

  30.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    i have my level 2 st. john’s ambulance 1st aid certificate, so i know all about this shit….but if someone’s artery was splurting blood everywhere, guess if i’d help or run the fuck away. that’s right.

    Like

  31. MyQuestioningMind Avatar

    Didn’t Jesus say something about not putting God to the test?Read the book.

    Like

  32.  Avatar

    Didn’t Jesus say something about not putting God to the test?Read the book.

    Like

  33. Gette Avatar

    God enjoys a good laugh now and then, too.

    Like

  34.  Avatar

    God enjoys a good laugh now and then, too.

    Like

  35. espresso bean Avatar

    This is not evidence against God’s existence, but rather evidence that God has given free will to all creatures with brains of any size and level of development. If I were a lion, I’d have eaten the guy too.

    Like

  36.  Avatar

    This is not evidence against God’s existence, but rather evidence that God has given free will to all creatures with brains of any size and level of development. If I were a lion, I’d have eaten the guy too.

    Like

  37. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

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